that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize