even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
