Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
