I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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