He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
