i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
