What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
