Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I have demons in me.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
