i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
