When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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