Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
