so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
