the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
