All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
