did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize