grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
