You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I deserve this hangover.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
