can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Text me some of your sweat
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
