I'm eating all of the evidence.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
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