i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You are the jesus of drinking
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
