If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
