why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
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i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
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If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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