a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
