so that wasnt chicken after all
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There's always time for handjobs
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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