Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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