I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
