when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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