people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
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I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
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I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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