Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
