I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
