He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
