I got chris browned last night
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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