I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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