i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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