God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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