Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
