i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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