It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
