the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
