She's JV to your varsity
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
