I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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