Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
