i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize