well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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