So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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