Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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