I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
