i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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