Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i will never coherently bang her
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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