Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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