ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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