Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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