I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
