the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
