For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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