Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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