it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
