we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How does one acquire holy water?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
