I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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