and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
