I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
