I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
