Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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