What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You may now shotgun with the bride
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
