dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
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She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
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She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story