So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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