So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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