ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
