the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
