you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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